I showed up just before nine in the morning at the studio. As
is normal for these productions, it was unclear where I was supposed
to go. So, I just hung around a truck where two other confused
men were standing. It was a good guess. These were my fellow aliens.
We were all average height and fairly thin. On the TV screen though,
through the use of large props and other effects, they would make
us look much shorter to give us the classic alien look.
Three of us were separated from the rest and led to a building
where we waited patiently for an hour or so. Then, the makeup
and costume guys came in. I stripped down to my underwear then
put on the alien suit. It was simply a pair of white long underwear
which had been spray-painted in a variety of colors to give it
the look of alien flesh. I had been assured on the phone the day
before that I would be able to go to the bathroom if I needed
to. But, with the nature of the costume, I was beginning to have
my doubts.
Next, I put on a pair of long latex gloves that fit tightly over
my hands all the way to the middle of the forearm. The fingers
on the glove were extremely long and thin. What amazing proctologists
these aliens would make! To ensure that the gloves fit us like
real hands, the makeup guy glued them to our forearms. It was
hard to pick things up with these things on. Certainly, you couldn't
type or play the piano.
Finally, the heads came on. The head I put on was huge. It was
fairly loose on my head. Again, this was fixed with some glue
around my neck. The huge black eyeballs on the head blocked most
of my vision. It was very strange. I could catch the odd ray of
sunlight but I was effectively blinded. There was quite a good
mouth opening so I could breathe easily. Because I was the first
one to put my costume on, I had no idea what the others looked
like or what I looked like for that matter. The makeup guy (embarrassing
how I can't remember his name but then again, I'm an alien - how
am I supposed to know) took some pictures for us with my camera.
I don't normally bring my camera to set but this was an opportunity
I couldn't resist.
After the costume fitting, the three of us were left alone. It
was quite fun at first but then the day started to drag on. We
couldn't see, we couldn't breathe that well, and we were cold.
The long johns were actually pretty skimpy and this was a cold
spring morning. The toughest thing, though, was that we were bombarded
with elevator music from an unknown radio source. After much meandering,
Ian, one of my fellow aliens, found the offending torture device
and mercifully turned it off.
Eventually, some people did come for us. We were each led by the
hand outside to a central area where they would put final touches
on our look. There, we met three other aliens. Someone got me
a apple juice carton and I was just able to fit the straw through
the mouth opening. The other three aliens had robes to keep warm.
Lucky bastards! I later found out that they only had robes because
they had no long underwear. No, these guys had to take off their
shirts and have their chests spray-painted to look like alien
flesh. Maybe I was the lucky bastard after all.
We stood around for a very long time until someone led us inside
to the studio set where we would be filming our scenes. Carefully,
they led us around planks, wires, and other obstacles. Then, we
arrived on set. Since nobody could see very well, they placed
us exactly where they wanted us. Then, we stood around for quite
some time while they set up the lighting for the shot.
It was very strange. Inside the mask, I saw only shades of color
now and again. My hearing was also partially blocked. I had to
breath through my mouth and I was constantly cold. I felt like
I was in a portable sensory deprivation tank. I thought I heard
voices I recognized. Maybe I knew some of the crew. Perhaps I'd
worked with them before. Without my vision, there was no way to
tell. And, they certainly couldn't tell who I was. To them, I
was just a bug eyed alien.
In the scene, I was first assigned the role of Mother Alien and
sat down in what was supposed to be a feminine pose. But, I was
bigger than Father Alien and we had to change roles. How do you
like that? I was sexually stereotyped and then had an enforced
sex change and then, I was sexually stereotyped again. Now, I
sat in a masculine fashion. Once again, I was lucky. Some of the
other aliens had to move around, pick up things, and nod to each
other. I don't know how some of them managed to do it while not
being able to see. I suppose they could have just trusted the
body and their sense of spatial memory. While they groped blindly,
I merely sat back and enjoyed my dominion over my wife and children.
A few other scenes and we were done. Thankfully, I had never needed
to go to the bathroom after all. Too impatient to wait for assistance,
I took off my alien head by myself without the benefit of glue
solvent. It felt good to breathe and see normally again. It took
us another hour to get out of costume and wash ourselves free
of glue and spray paint. By that time, it was almost six o'clock
at night. I thought we had only been there about three or four
hours, I had no idea the actual duration was closer to nine hours.
Greedily, I downed the meal provided for us from the catering
truck. I couldn't say it was hard work but I felt strangely disoriented.
For some reason, I had an unexplainable urge to phone home.
